Well, I'm going to pick up this blog thing again... Well at least I will try to. I haven't ever been really good and keeping things updated. Good luck to me.
I've been thinking a lot lately of self esteem or personal view. As women we are hard on ourselves for many different reasons; my house isn't as clean as hers, she is a better cook than I am, she is skinnier than I am and she just had a baby, I'm too tall, I'm too short, I don't do well in school etc. the list goes on and on. This isn't a new thing but recently I have been learning, maybe for the first time, how to be happy with who I am.
I have always had a struggle liking what I saw in the mirror. I do my best to get ready and feel beautiful then forget about it and go about my day, but there were always feelings of inadequacy not only in how I acted but how I looked. Looking back I was fit, skinny, healthy and beautiful but I didn't see it. But that wont change as you get older if you don't decide to make some changes to your thinking and maybe your life.
I was amongst the first of my peers to get married and then to have a baby. I have never regretted getting married that young or having a baby at this point in my life, it makes sense to me and I wouldn't have it any other way. However sometimes it is hard to look at those you grew up with and they look the same while I look different. hmmm... how to explain what I mean?
When you become a mom you are all of a sudden in a club that you didn't really understand before or even know existed. You find camaraderie amongst women you barely even know just because you are a mom and somehow you just understand. I would look at other women who seemed to have it all together and duck my head because I wasn't good enough. After talking with some of my mommy friends I realized that they were thinking the same things. Why do we think we are the only ones who don't have it all together? We are all in the same boat here.
One of the things that many of us moms have in common are the insecurities in our bodies. Having a baby changes you in many ways and that includes our bodies. Yes, there are those women who have a baby and looks completely normal within the next month or two and have no stretch marks. But there are more of us that struggle to loose the baby weight that sticks to our rumps. We may try on ten shirts a day to find the shirt that gives us a figure but doesn't show our extra tummy fat or extra skin we have from being stretched to the breaking point. Many of us have tiger stripes. We have earned these tiger stripes, these stretch marks that seem to be everywhere and just don't go away. We all know that we wouldn't trade our past bodies for our wonderful babies that we now have but we still look for creams, ointments, oils anything to take away our stretch marks.
How do you become happy with yourself again? That question is a hard question to answer and very different for every person.
This is my story.
I decided I wanted to be healthy. I realized that I had been dealing with some mild postpartum depression and I was sick of how I felt. I also started to realize that with exercise came a happier, more stable Kylie. On those days that I exercised I was more patient and had way more energy (although the sleep deprivation brought on by my little man still took a toll on my energy levels) to keep going through the day. Before I knew it it was 2015! I was going to make a change to my life. I started exercising, not just halfheartedly in my living room, but getting ready and going to the gym or the track. I joined health groups on Facebook for support and ideas on how to eat healthy. I started to cut out sweets and started to drink more water. My family soon thereafter started their own health challenge and I was excited for more motivation.
It is easier to go to the track with baby boy in the stroller than being restricted to one spot in the gym and with Mike's schedule it is nearly impossible to get to the fitness classes. So, I started running again. It has been a few years since I had been running even though I enjoyed it. I run and I push myself and feel like I can't go anymore, and then somehow I do, and I keep going. Sometimes it is really hard to see any progress, not only in your body but in your abilities. Then one day I realize I just ran a whole mile without stopping. That may not sound impressive, but it is a milestone (pun intended) for me. Then again I see the progress when I find that the pants I just bought are too big! What?! Happy dance!
I have learned through my journey to be more healthy that I started to love myself again. I am not a fast runner, I do not have the perfect body, I have a long ways to go to get where I want to be. But I have earned my tiger stripes and I am proud of them. I love who I am because I am healthy and I am doing the best I can to be the best I can be.
Thanks for reading my ramblings, for listening to my story. For those mommies who feel like they aren't doing things the right way, who fight to find something they feel beautiful in, or feel like they are the only ones who feels like they aren't good enough. You are good enough and we are all rooting for you. We all feel that way sometimes. Maybe that is why motherhood is such a great club to be in.
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